Why I'm done with 'Not Good Enough'
Black and white portrait by Laura Shortt.
You’re not thin enough.
You’re not pretty enough.
You’re not rich enough.
You’re not smart enough.
You’re not young enough.
You’re not confident enough.
YOU’RE. NOT. GOOD. ENOUGH.
Sound familiar?
How many times have you said any of the above to yourself? Things that are so hurtful and unfeeling, you would never dream of thinking, let alone saying, them to another living soul. And yet somehow we deem it ok for that little voice in our heads to bully us into believing we are not enough as we are in this very moment.
Maybe your beliefs around these statements are so deeply rooted that you don’t even consciously realize you’re saying them to yourself. Instead, you just walk around feeling like no matter what you bring to the table, in whatever area of your life, you are simply inadequate.
And is it any wonder we’re so hard on ourselves? We’re inundated with images of unattainable perfection with every magazine cover and Hollywood movie we see. What most women don’t realize is that there is a HUGE amount of effort behind the scenes to make models and actresses look their glamorous best. Those magazine covers that reflect such seemingly effortless grace and beauty are the result of painstaking posing, lighting, and retouching that’s tailored to make cover models look less like they were photographed and more like their faces were chiseled by Michelangelo. And those actresses on screen are likewise so expertly lit and doctored with makeup that you cannot see a line or blemish on their facade-of-perfection faces. What most women also don’t know is that even models and actresses can take a bad photo with a double chin if shot from the wrong angle (and yet women beat themselves up when they see an unflattering cellphone pic of themselves snapped by their well-meaning, but unqualified, photographer of a friend).
And the media is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much emphasis placed on being a ‘success’ and being ‘normal’ in our culture from the moment we’re born that if your life deviates at all from the path well-trodden (which, in all likelihood, is going to happen because THAT’S LIFE), it’s just one more reason to feel like you’re not good enough.
Boudoir portrait by Laura Shortt.
But you know what? I’m done with that bull$*#@. I’m done with comparing myself to others, knowing beforehand that I won’t measure up in my own head. I’m done with carrying the weight of feeling less-than-worthy because I don’t meet some nebulous, societal definition of what it means to be perfect. I’m done with carrying the weight of “I’m not good enough” around with me everywhere I go.
Not good enough…not good enough for whom?
Personal branding headshot by Laura Shortt.
“Playing small in the world is not good for the world”. ~ Dr. Steven Hayes
The above quote, by psychologist Dr. Steven Hayes, is so great. (Click the following link for the lovely interview with him where I first heard it: http://bit.ly/34QRXe8). When we play small; when we walk around feeling inadequate and apologize for who we are, and fail to stand in our own power, we do a disservice not only to ourselves but to the world at large. And we are at a critical moment in history when the world needs strong individuals more than ever- women and men who can stand in their own power and own who they are so that they can contribute meaningfully to the world.
“Happy girls are the prettiest” - Audrey Hepburn. Or as this portrait photographer would say, “Girls content with who they are…”
I am extremely fortunate in that my photographic work speaks loud and clear to my ideal client- that is, women who love themselves. It is such a gift and honor to get to document women as they are at this moment in their lives, in all of their wisdom, pain, joy, strength, vulnerability, and humor. And what I’ve witnessed firsthand as a portrait photographer for women (and getting to spend time with women from all walks of life) is that we all have so much more in common with each other than we realize.
In photographing women I have also discovered that the most beautiful of women are not a certain size, shape or age- rather, they are content and at peace with who they are, have cultivated their humanity, and have managed to keep at bay the cynicism that life’s challenges can so easily harden us with. It’s a glorious insight that I’m privy to as a portrait photographer and my wish for the New Year is that more women could understand this (and men too).
Letting go of ‘not good enough’. Self-portrait by Laura Shortt.